happy friday, lovies! the sun is shining in the sky and out of my face. i’ve decided that little rays of sunshine is going to help everything forever. (the humidity on the other hand…that’s just making me constantly sweaty – welcome back to ontario, laura.)
i’ve taken time away from this space and from a lot of the sharing outlets in my life. i work in social and don’t want to look at instagram again at the end of the day. i’m learning new skills and am worn out in the evening to invest the energy into blossoming my creativity. my anxiety is high, like super high, and depression is creeping back. my head isn’t a great place, though it isn’t terrible. it’s been worse and i’m very lucky i’m not there. i’m working on it and using my tools. if you don’t tend your garden, how can you expect it to grow in beauty and not weeds?
it is in times of change and growth that I lean back on the known, the common. i miss the stability that used to exist. what i used to call lonely and boring, i glorify for its reliability. that means i’m currently playing the highlight reel of alberta in my mind, missing people and landmarks and my favourite coffee shop. it takes time to establish those things in a new place, and that’s where the concentration needs to be. i made the right choice by coming back to toronto and home.
so i’m writing. just to write. i’ve missed the freedom of writing. of allowing myself to be creative and write whatever i wanted to. words can be the stability i search for; the home i create. i hope you enjoy my ramblings, but at the same time, i don’t care if you don’t. i never started a blog for someone else and there have been many times i cared too much about what others thought about it instead of just doing as i wished with my little slice of the internet.
i took a workshop last summer that stretched me to write about things i normally wouldn’t touch. i got uncomfortable. i looked at my writing in a new way, in a way i didn’t love because i wasn’t “good” at it. but i did it, and that’s what makes you better. so i decided i need to do that again. while i haven’t found a continuous course, i did find an erotic writing class at the end of the month and signed up for it. i’m pretty terrified, but think it will be a fun and sexy two hours. i’ve never written anything like that – sexts not included. maybe i’ll share the outcome of that here. get ready for it to get steamy.
no plans for the weekend and i’m overjoyed about that. i’ll fill it with sleeping and cooking and workouts and reading. doesn’t that sound grand?