solivagant

solivagant – i love this word. thank you, internet. something i’ve been working on lately is being okay with myself, by myself. and i’m getting pretty good at it. i like heading out of adventures with my own company and i’ve always been a fan of the solo restaurant visit. then, days like last friday hit, and your own company is possibly the worst thing you could imagine. loneliness is palpable and painful and creates horrible negative self talk about being unloveable, not good enough, etc. thankfully i woke up saturday morning and called bullshit on my friday self and moved on. why am i working on this, you may ask? well, self love is super important. but also, i don’t believe that there is someone out there for everyone (if you don’t settle. please don’t settle, friends) and the possibility of growing old alone is a real thing. so if i’m not okay on my own and that’s how this crazy life pans out for me, then it’s going to be a tough battle. i’m getting with it now.

while visiting with the doctors and focusing on a new meal plan, i’ve neglected all types of fitness. the occasional walk/run here and there was doing nothing for keeping my heart healthy. nor my weak, weak lungs – struggle bus on numerous sets of stairs. i’m really thankful for the blog squad at times like these, because these ladies love their fitness and encourage others to join along. we took on surfset all together on sunday, and a bunch of us went to barre on wednesday to celebrate ange’s birthday (and then ice cream, because village. duh). i also went to yoga on monday, did cardio on thursday with a work friend, and am trying orange theory fitness in red deer tonight with becky and lindsey (i’m going to die). if the weather cooperates, i’ll be on a mountain somewhere on monday. i need to make very regular fitness a part of everyday life – it doesn’t need to be drastic, but as long as i’m moving – because of obvious life and health reasons that everyone should be active, but also because it has a great healing affect on pcos/insulin.

i’ve made really grown up life decisions the last week-ish, in addition to opening and putting money into a TFSA, i also bought a vacuum (and used it). those are actions of a responsible person, and that’s ultimately terrifying! i felt like i needed to balance it with a on-a-whim decision, like an impromptu trip, but instead i ordered a new laptop last night. which is a medium decision. i bought my last laptop in 2008 and it’s super slow now: reasonable; but the new one is a macbook air and super pretty: pretty things.

blog events are a thing again as of this week. because of the increased doctor visits and two trips in the last month, i’ve has to say no to a bunch of invitations. well, that and my increasing anxiety when it comes to strangers and large groups. it’s been great to catch up with my pr friends (i miss that life) and learn about new spaces/products/events while keeping myself reasonably calm. i even forced myself to talk to a stranger, granted he was there to talk to the media, but i still made the first move. it didn’t hurt that he was younger and kinda cute. because i’m also the most awkward human, i ended up scolding a coffee urn out loud in front of him. not a lot of people understand my humour. and forced him to show me photos of his dog. that’s just what i do.


what are you up to for the long weekend?

 

if you think you’re in good shape, try surfset and prepared to be humbled.

now, let’s not get it twisted: i do not put myself in the group of people who believe they are in moderately good shape.

i’ve grumbled on twitter many-a-time about the wave-shredding workout on land, but after a six-ish month hiatus, i got myself back on the board last weekend thanks to illume hot yoga and the blog squad.

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the mission: 45-minute class.

the equipment: surfset board (aka surfboard atop some bosu balls, attached with cables).

the challenge: don’t die.

our private surfset class at illume hot yoga was organized by alison and brie – thanks ladies – and since everyone in the class was new to the board (except me, but as we discussed, not great shape) our instructor gave us a taste of each of their four signature classes: balance (yoga-inspired), burn (high-intensity, high-tempo), build (strength and definition) and blend (interval-based core session).

no matter the program, each is structured in custom intervals to shock body systems and create real change, whether you’re interested in improving stability and body control, burning fat, building lean muscle or achieving total body fitness.

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we were put through squats, lunges, tricep dips, push ups, surfees (burpees on a surfset board), hop overs, quick feet and more on the board. to my delight there were minimal pops ups (from stomach, popping up to surf stance) and all left to the end. have tight hip flexors and a tummy, and you try to tell me pop ups are a fun things to do! they aren’t. almost as much fun as surfees.

surfest is a tough and efficient workout. you’ll be sweating within the first few minutes, and probably dripping by the time the 45 minute class is done. it is a great way to try something new, get out of your comfort zone and challenge your fitness level. your core strength will benefit almost immediately…or at least you’ll feel your abs for a few days.

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how adorable are these shirts ange got us made? big thanks to katie at chase this skirt, too! they have our instagram handle on the back, in case you didn’t know where to find me all over the web.

i swear one of these days i’ll rank higher than that other laura bridgman…the actual first deaf-blind american child to gain a significant education in the English language – step aside, helen keller. but i will tell you, it adds a great deal of mystery to anyone trying to google me. am i the lady born in 1829? who knows! am i only ever photographed in black and white? might be!

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while i wouldn’t regularly travel to the north pole (evanston, in nw calgary – yes, i’m a 17th snob) for a fitness class – especially when there is a surfset studio less than 400 m from my condo –  illume hot yoga was an incredibly beautiful space with great instruction. if you live in the hood or find yourself up that way, you should really check it out. the surfset classes are limited to 10 people, so you’ll always have a ton of attention, and their hot yoga studio is cozy, warm and so inviting.

i still have eight classes on a drop-in pass for surfset, so i know i’ll be on the board again. i’ll swear through each class, hurt the next few days, and reap the benefits of regular, challenging exercise. i just really wish i could leave a surfset studio without feeling worse about me as a person. it’s just not a confidence-inspiring workout for me.


have you tried surfset before? do you travel for fitness classes?

a few weekends ago i was invited to my first full moon ceremony. i had zero idea what to expect and, very true to lent-laura, jumped out of my comfort zone and headed to the party on my own to meet up with a bunch of strangers.

i looked at it this way: be open to new experiences, what’s the worst that could happen, and if nothing else, it was a friday night with a bonfire. i didn’t have to view it as anything else.

i was one of the first to arrive – thanks dad for teaching me to be punctual – and helped build the fire as i introduced myself to the other attendees. they were familiar with the whole ordeal, it seemed that i was the only newbie.

we all settled into our lawn chairs around the fire pit as the sun began to set. Alison, our host, smudged each of us with sage to cleanse us, and to remove negative energy from a space. she then lead us through a short heart opening meditation while she played her crystal singing bowls. energy is a really funny thing that not everyone feels; i’m affected by it – still not sure if that’s a gift or not. it was a really overwhelming sensation to be around the fire with like-minded souls, all open to new beginnings.33550bd9-1620-46de-a34c-8a133e87b681

we opened our eyes and were instructed to free write for a few minutes about what we felt was holding us back, where we were stuck and what we wanted to let go of. then we were to write about what we wanted, what we were hopeful for, where our desires led us.

i put hot pink pen (naturally) to paper, and scribbled out what looked like a love letter to myself. i guess it actually was.

then came the hard part: sharing. it wasn’t mandatory but it was encouraged. we went around the circle and one-by-one we read what we wrote, or a general overview of it.

my turn?

i was giving up doubt, self-limiting belief and horribly negative self talk. i was giving up hating myself. i’ve spent so much of my 30 years convincing myself and whomever else will listen just how useless i was. like i didn’t deserve to occupy space or their time.

i was opening myself up to possibility, to all types of love, most importantly self-love. i was allowing myself to see the positives and gifts in my nature and my ability. i was breaking down walls and letting people in. i was allowing myself to be vulnerable.

i folded my piece of paper and tossed it into the fire. the flames erupted in a symbolic, fiery surge. and my heart smiled. the attention-seeker in me was thrilled that it was the brightest, largest burn of the bunch….then i though i should have given up comparisons.

perhaps the next ceremony.

and that was that. i rewarded myself with a cookie and walked myself home under the glow of the big, bright moon.

i’ve felt a funny shift in the universe since then. nothing dramatic, but the opportunity for me to test my declarations. tests are fun when they include making out with cute boys. less so if they involve math.


have you ever taken part in a full moon ceremony?